The nomad's soul.....

i open my eyes to a new dimension......
they burn with extacy!
this realm now turns into a desire
as i explore through these paths

my heart beat increases with every passing thought
i wonder......if this is my real destiny?

the wounds of time remind n warn
that things may not be as they seem!
my senses hesitate to trust
for the real world hasnt been very pleasing!

my dreams tease this seeming reality!

my soul recognizes this urge as a new era......
where it breathes out a make over

the life of a wanderer seeks a destination
in the eyes of this new love!

this touch awakens mixed feelings
what to hold on to, i wonder!

my soul remains undercover
as this world is still new!

i scan through the different levels
to feel excitement n resentment!

i knew this phase shall come......
but not this way!

this era takes me up by surprise
n I flow along its irresistible lust!

things that i had kept safe
now are an open secret!

my eyes so vivid
n my breath agitated..............

the heart pounds harder
my pulse rises.........
the heart of this nomad.....stands a bit confused....
for this world is very enduring n very much unknown!

the barbarian soul....falls for a loving atmosphere
where strength is a synonym to love!

the eternity nears an end....
as the eyes of a primitive, open up to a new world!

A part of me................

These eyes c the world
but they lay themselves on only a few!
The heart skips a beat on every impulse.....
but what they like n what they yearn for, differ!

the character of the self.....
surprises the soul with tasteful irony
as if what it sees
is very different to what it feels!

the spheres of life twist n turn the paths
leaving the self wonder..........
whats in stored is an unknown future
the dream though clear!

the inside story of the soul remains unnoticed!
though there are diaries written abt it!
what these lines mean.....
are may b what i feel
but there are pages that havent bn explored!

the heart of the writer.....aches to be recognized.....
but the fate has it, that whn recognized, it cant take the bow!

the unexplored identity of the self has bn there so long.....
that it now is a major part of the soul!

a soul that thinks abt the world
wonders abt itself too.....
the heart that loves all
feels the yearn for love too!!

expectations may not b ideally a way of life
but the truth of expectation cannot b missed!
when they say that all that u do comes back to u.....
the self wonders of the age limit!

the make up seems so thick
that the nail doesnt pierce thru to feel the soul....

a soul, that dreams of things way more precious than the worldly wonders!

the chosen one n the chosen day is awaited eagerly...............

the maze of life may trick the self.....
but the yearning heart shall await....
for its these eyes that dreamt of a world.....
n these eyes....are a part of me!!!!!!

Identity.......

u look into the mirror
n see a faded replica...
is it truly u??
is that what u c..... ur identity?

the heart ponders that moment....
what was i to be, n what have i become!
the soul seems materialized n away.....
n an oily face appears to take its place!
the make up takes over ur unique flaws
hiding what may b ur sole possession!

the name given to it...is beauty
a recognition so unreal.....so hollow!
the eyes that are covered with Kohl....
keep balance of ur tears at every blink!
ur lips bear that plastic smile...
that never fail to please the wrld!

what ur ears hear....n u think
are some what the worlds apart!
yet u never fail
to behave observant!

which face is true?
what is the real self?
what power does the heart hold
if it cant cry out for breath!

this world of beauty seems unattractive
when love is no more in the heart or the eyes!

what scope does a creation have?
when thorns today...have no identity!

The Lost Soul......

What realm I live in, is purely unknown
What my survival is for, remains a mystery!
A life of numbness is an understated expression
A sigh for life is all I breathe
I do not lack strength
I do not lack dreams
The path is so clear
My destiny, a hazy desire!
The search of these eyes
is an unquenched thirst
I walk through the walls
of a mirage filled world!
What would I reveal?
What would I keep safe?
For the secret no more lies within me!
I do not explain
I do not seek answers
For the Lord has been kind enough
to give me a pious soul!
I mortgage my strength to win the race
And at every step, my desires grow deeper!
My soul needs an identity
My name needs an address!!

The Beauty.......

I see such beauty around.....
that i find myself ugly!
Appreciation comes with an envy
That yearns me to be atleast a percentage of it!
So much beauty, so much wonder.....
So realistic, so much without make up!

The charm of a virgin smile
beats that of a polished face.....
Eyes that gleam with the satisfaction
Of wearing that which it desired!

What all will i be able to compete to?
For neither am I charming, nor do i have a clear face!
Destined to make people beautiful
I realize, i can never be that doll!

I try hard to have that nearly perfect mirror
So i can adorn what i c in my eyes!
What use are those attributes
Which cant be used to the maximum!

I c scare in the eyes that are unknown
I feel the loneliness admist my own crowd!
As if I ain't cut out for this life.....
N the option is unknown!

I live with a silent pain
Thinking each night of remedies!
Knowing that i cant touch that horizon
But still I wish to try!

The dream fades as I realize my flaws
After all a happy soul makes ones smile real!
Inspiration is short lived
but the thirst of excellence increases!

So much beauty around
So much that God has gifted
n my contribution????
May be just a compliment!

Should u wait????

Something as precious as love comes into ur life.....
In the form of an intriguing look of the eye....
the heart starts to dream n wish....
without much thought about the finish line!
Each nite the heart prays to b together in destiny...
Without knowing if its a possibility!
Should u wait for something so unsure....
So much so that even the other soul's views are a mystery!
What holds the hope is something so pure....
For no other name for the moment exists for those desires!
Time seems to coagulate....
n the eye dreams with fear!
time tests not just ur minds wishes but also ur hearts......
But "wait" is all that one can do!
Can one face somebody else....if this desire is unattended?
Can u accept somebody else's proposal without being denied this dream??
What destiny does this desire hold?
when u cant share ur dream with anybody!
Silence remains the key word....
N this silence kills u....making u wonder if there was ne scope of finding out!
Though there is no option at the moment.....
Should u wait for that one look that u felt.......???????

The ray of hope!

What happens when u knw ur mind?
What happens when u perfectly knw wht can make u happy??
U drive urself n others to the edge of madness!!!!!!
In a weird scenario such as this....
genuine suggestions get lost amidst the picture of ur ultimate goal!
the journey is quite long....
ur desire for a companion grows stronger!
the situation now becomes, where u knw ur need but fail to put it forth..
n it pushes u deeper into the pit of misery!
diversion is extremely short lived....
the option plan doesn't convince u enuf!
for a dream that started it all......
is there now eternally stagnant for the moment!
Hope is the most vague word.....
For both Luv n ur accomplishment!
the concept of desire makes u wonder.....
what if i had remained as usual....Clueless!
U were supposed to be sun shine....
For no matter how many few hours may they be!
U knew u wld shine....
only with warmth n not heat!
the world closes in....
as ,what was supposed to be ur season....makes its entry, but just without u!
The clues are now clueless.....
the mind searches for satisfactory answers!
I know...its impossible to satisfy humans...
But hey......God just might have goofed up on me!!
searching for that one ray of hope i lead this numb life
For well, i knw what shall make me alive!!

The Thin Line

Many ages passed n one thought has remained..
The question of "To Be or not to Be" has a very thin line in between!
We, being humans, search for happiness every moment....
n The paths are accordingly drawn!
what we miss out is debited
n the credits always turn out too less!
good n evil are very unanimous words....
For we fail to decide between bad n worse!
Scope n Hope too have a thin line in between
n Stress n Frustration often win!
Friendship n luv has a thin line in between....
Where a misunderstanding makes the boundaries thick!
Care n force have a thin line in between
n Delivery rules the arena!
Relationships seem a turmoil...
Where the thin line of trust wavers!
Our lives are always between lines....
Where thick n thin have very few choices!
To break the pattern is out of question....
For somebody else makes the blue print!
To give up is the easiest thing to do....
n to fight we have no support!
What are we humans capable of??
If the lines written by Lord are alien!
How much more can one weep?
Wondering about not just his plight but also others!
These thin lines decide our destiny....
n we wonder about everything but them!!!!!

A Stagnant Thought.....

everyday of my life
Just passes by
I donno what am i alive for!
Dreams n destinations, a chase
The heart worries each nite!
How to let go....
Rather..... why to let go???
For other than these...
Nothing is mine!
This beauty is somebody's gift.....
These brains are somebody's donation!
What do I have of my own?
For even my name is borrowed!
Friends, family.......are they mine?
Well, may b if not for me....somebody else's!
I got no character to brag about!
For its in tits n bits!!
Every night the soul cries out for answers....
Thinking of potential answerers!
every body's busy....with their woes..
n others, search for the non-existent hidden lines!
what will I touch other's lives with???....
when I, myself, dont feel alive!!!!!!!!

Day after day.....the same story!

Every single day, since ages, this heart has been in pain…
The age increases n so does the remorse!
Forge smiles make their way out the lips,
The pain within…still afresh!
Time never seems to work on the wounds,
They remain exposed for the heart to feel!
Every moment the heart cries for an end, either to the pain or this life!
Nothing seems to help
There seems no cure…
For it seems a vicious circle….that always comes back!
Wonders the heart dreams of...
a life with less, but true smiles!
The realm fades off each time the night falls,
the tension raises the pulse!
Whatever has become of that soul is at disposal,
the language of the heart lost in signs!

The Day of the Jackal!!

A guy so perfect.....
was hunted down...
Im so imperfect,
so, will i be spared??
each nite I gulp down the pills....
n await for them to take toll!
Ideas, work scope n desires clog my mind...
I sit upright n write my budget!
The goal now definitely far away
For the yards seem to increase!
The once well planned deed....
Shatters without loopholes
Negativity fills the character
the hand aches...as i write!
What has become of me is certainly unknown!
for the past again hurts my nerves!
My day seems to have ended....
The feeling of freedom, now behind bars!
The ache is beyond resistance
the pills dont seem to work!
Silent tears flow down the cheek!
n i wonder wht they were for?!
The Jackal earned half a million....
n im crying abt half a buck!
So much we seem to have in common
For our Destinies share similarities!
I cry each day
hoping to be spared!
This character is worthless...
I wonder what was i earlier!
No clues, no grains, no memories
Of wht was I, that this has becum of me!
One experience, a few months did so much damage!
So much for immunity!
The day of the Jackal seems immensely near....
n I can be saved only by me!

No exception.....

A lot of us wish to be an exception......n thats no exception!
We dream abt a hell lot of things which according to us wld make a difference.... thats again no exception!

And the case of a person like me who wants to make ppl happy definitely is no exception
! just like "self realization" being the ultimate 'In' thing......happiness is the most sought out thing today...again nothing new!

The best part of life remains...that we do good not to help but in lieu of that praise...consciously or unconsciously! and things seem more of give n take rather than a policy of luv!

I being no exception try n make ppl happy thinking that one deed may seriously make a difference...frgt abt thinking abt the huge plan of getting praise [believe me im very lazy to think abt such huge plans!], n i start waiting for that one joyous moment of smile!
And so it seems that my life revolves arnd the various dreams that rise frm these deeds!

we often dont understand our heart [again no exception] n we ponder..u gt praised, u donno wht to do coz of ur modesty n on the other hand wait to b noticed!
The questions that pop up need an answer, though they arnt any new ones its just that the situations change n the questions seem different in respect of the context!

n sum how....im at that turn of realization that may be i really haven't made any difference in any body's life but i hav decided to stay calm till i do...even if it means running out of their lives!
I'm sure u'll b thinking of me as a lunatic...well thats no exception!

The haunting past!

i donno who or how many read my blog....bt ys i feel my heart feeling gd after writing!here i am again writing sumthing on this platform hoping sumbdy helps me with a suggestion!
i try hard to let the sand slip thru my fingers!bt each time it only thickens!
i hav never had a gr8 school memory to share, a major part of the school life i had!
i hav always had the times whn i was posed wrongly b4 ppl whether i liked it or not!i've had a bad rapport with ppl i was with...may b coz they thght i was too strict...too reserved or ys...snobbish!i dont blame nebdy...coz i knw they might hav their reasons!bt the fact is....i knw i did no harm....i was expected to be perfect being the monitor n later the head girl at different stages!
n then there was sunshine whn i changed not just my school bt my outlook too....bt may b the rosy glasses were'nt rosy enuf!
i was again pushed into that grief of loneliness n remorse!
i cldnt understand...where i went wrong!why was i convicted even after caring n trusting n being friendly!
n even after all these yrs...i may hav bcum more confident n blah blah blah.....
bt the fact is
i still hav a heavy heart!im still stuck!i need a reason....i need an answer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
or else i shall always have a heavy heart!

Work Experience.....

this is a poem that i hav written on the suggestion of a dear frnd, who thought if i write, i shall feel gd abt the issue....so here goes!!!

Work Experience.....

fight with ur family...
argue with ur frnds...
n end up gettin a job in another city!
that moment of triumph...
brings a teary shine into proud eyes!
on the appointed day...
wait for 4 hrs....clueless abt ur mentor!
the wonderful start....startles reality!!
for things in life arent designed to b that gd!
it slowly, thru time, dawns on u...
the rosy dream has come to an end!
the curriculum is a far fetched dream..
seeming : "the bigger the better blooper"!
for only later wld u realize...
ur burried!
all those praise words disappear
as u enter the peak of ur curve!
knowledge is imparted in abundance to u...
bt the sorrow of ur heart keeps u occupied!
there comes a stand still
where in ur brains hav run out of fuel!
u stand like a dumpster...
as if an elementary school kid!
everything goes over the top...
n all those promises disappear into thin air!
though the phase u knw is temporary...
u cry aloud to be spared!
quiting is for loosers- U recall
u take the chance n take it up ur stride!
just as predicted...u manage thru...
n emerge with "Pass"!
now, is whn the tide turns...
u rule the game beatin evrybdy left, rite n center!
long hour discussions r made....
to decide: "To b ot not to b"
the mind again is left alone to b confused..
whn asked the in all experience!
to b frank it wasnt all that bad....
bt the blurps were too loud!
an unstable atmosphere...
though i managed to create smiles!
this experience somewhere told me...
dont think where ppl dont hav brains!
but as its said...even if u win the rat race...
u still r a rat!
i dont wanna b that rat...
which doesnt hav its own rattle!
all life long i had waited for an opportunity...
to knw wht im worth!
funny enuf, none n neither of us cld find out
evn after doing all that donkey's wrk!
an uncertain future again says "hi!"
for wht have i done n wht to do...is still the ques!

My Past Mirror....

often whn i look arnd in public places...i c ppl rather gals who seem to b my past's mirror!their appearance may b different, as in they may b short or stout...! wht i am reminded really is frm their way of dressing! it may b coz of being a designer, clothes strike me first!
but believe me...many a times I c gals who look like my "Christmas past"! being clad in a typical salwaar kameez...a sweater n may b a shawl...with thick frame glasses..n a pony tail...with that pony tail replaced with a plait... it wld hav bn me!!!!
for im frm a typical south indian family...n thats how i was!
Im sure those who hav seen me now can imagine me then! a major part of life has bn that ways...with this present time eligible to b termed a revolution!
those girls for sure remind me of times whn i was seldom allowed to wear westerns!n that style of wearing a pair of narrow cut jeans [they were "in" then!] with hip length shirts n later tops! only after my second year did i discover that long awaited sense of style n well though not too good...am quite better off today!
these lovely girls remind me every now n then of my journey...may b just to make sure, I DON'T FORGET MY PAST!!