What more?

no matter what i do,
i never feel as if ive touched the mark........
no matter how hard i try, im made to feel inadequate!
my smile never lasts no matter how much i stretch my lips
my tears see no end as if the supply is unlimited...

i really dont understand the reasons though....
for all of this emotional turmoil.....
i fail to understand wht more i need to let go of...
my hands are already empty!

even after being surrounded by so many ppl...
im made to feel lonely...
why is my fate such.....is a question unanswered!

i try n satisfy my heart with what ever i have...
n still im made to feel empty!

i donno what more to do....
to deserve a smile thats worth Me!

Silence in the Heart!

Ever felt the silence that prevails inside ur heart?
A feeling that stands stagnant admist the chaos?
A pinch that makes u feel that words are a pain....
A pain....u've long felt n bred on!

Surprisingly, i used to feel it quite often earlier.....
I think i off-late had started over looking it...
n suddenly today....ive been re-acquainted to my old friend...
A friend who,  i thought, brought me peace!

i some how now, have realized my world other than people
whom i gave the importance they hold today!
Ive come face to face with my reality...
that i had long forgotten drowning in bliss!

The happiness i hold in my heart....
as if is my treasure...
a treasure i thought i cld share...
a treasure i realize, nobodys interested in!

the people i held as the center of my world,
were ppl who demanded their freedom....
People, who after being freed look at me with inquisitive eyes!

I know that not every choice i make is my own....
I do what people want me to do!
N im forced to often wonder....
Why am i to bear its consequence there after??

N after all that drama, I manage to find peace in fate...
forgetting that this chaos wasnt mine...
but admitting that it now is a part of my life!

With all the hyper energy around me,
I am reminded, that I am responsible for my peace....
Even if others interfere!

I may sometimes dim the spotlight on others....
focusing on the self now
for i have just realized how important i am to myself....
that there will b no me....if im not taken care of!

Ive learnt through time to let go of things
that dont want to be a part of my world....
I am learning to expect less from others...
I am starting to appreciate the beautiful Silence that my heart holds!

Lifetime......

life is actually a tale comprising of the ppl who let u down during the various stages of ur life!
there are no possible methods to move on from pain....
there are only new faces and new reasons to feel pain!!
the moment u let ur guards down fr an individual.....
they take great pride in hurting u.....
they get into ur life assuring happiness...
finding all the possible loopholes ur emotions may portray!
every emotion of love that u experience for a person.....
is like an unopened present!
u nvr know whts behind that lovely wrap!
the more u unveil it....the more u get distured...
for even if its nothing like wht u gifted.....widout expecting nething in return....
It was sumthing ud expect to c the least!!
i donno why is it such a recurring incidence....
as if each time u learn....ur made to realise, uve left out another chapter!
however small a thing may it b that u expect frm another....
disappointment is wht ud meet wid!
irrespective of the kind of person u r....
irrespective of wht u give out!

the biggest mistake a person can ever do....is to luv sumbody more....
for they get more chances to hurt u n to make u bleed wid the bluntest of knives!

one doesnt req to be good in conveying their feelings....
for the other person, is blissfully deaf.....n blind!
ud always b blamed to be inconsiderate.....
ull always b the person who creates the scene!

 i really wish there was a way to feel less pain....
a way where we dont let ppl just enter our heart n squeeze it!!
for it just doesnt feel fair....
that in such a short life span.....a heart has to go thru all this pain!! 

thoughts

ive always believed that its a persons beliefs that make a character....

it sets the standards fr people to knw their line!

but many a times ive seen myself fail in putting across my point

in making ppl acknowledge the seriousness of my principles!

i knw attimes i may not completely justify asserting my beliefs,

but it hurts me to accept that ppl change their wrds n im made to live wid things that are against my beliefs!

i just cant accept this defeat!

i may attimes be graceful about their feelings n not make an issue

but i cant deny that i feel hurt!

the only thing that crosses my mind is wht if i too repeated wht they did to me

....changed my wrds n later made up by being upfront n say its btr on face than behind their back!

i knw i need to look past these small issues......

but i often wonder....wld others too b that gracious?

To Leave and move on.....

I often look around n find ppl
who manage to be impressively practical.....
People who manage to figure out where to draw the line
No matter how thin it may be!

I've tried to understand this ideology....
n have succeeded to the extend of understanding the necessity of its existence...
but I've always lacked to implement it with leverage.

i have wid time managed to evolve as a being
who can understand the various stages of relationships n its unspoken rules!
I always thght love cld be imparted selflessly..... widout expectations....
Definitely..... widout the expectation of being understood, forget appreciated!

i knw i quite often come across familiar words,....
but Alas! life gets me into its vicious circle n grinds me well!

I may not be the only soul to experience this n so i wont expect sympathy of any sorts....
rather I would like to knw where am i lacking.....
For the more u keep ur heart crystal clear....
the more u r accused of being two faced!

Why words are so important, is truly beyond me.....
coz ppl dont listen to me anyways!!

things manage to turn out so contradictory....
That the dilemma is whether to sob or laugh!

where is that line that i am suppose to draw??....
the one that portrays me as caring n not desperate........

there are so many scenarios where ive put up a sentimental show.....
scenarios where ppl wanted me to be "strong"!

ive found that its easy to speculate or control others situations.....
than being in their place n helping them out.....
Easy to solve the prob than figuring out a win-win situation!

never have i understood how can 1 claim preferring you
by choosing over u!

Is it that i lack understanding of the worldly wisdom....
Of knowing when to say that u love!

how is it possible to make ppl understand ur heart
widout them taking u for granted??

It seems easy to look at others n aspire to be them.......
trying to create something out of u thats completely unlike you!

maybe that is the catch.....
to know when to leave n when to pull back......
to know that diff in emotion
where neither r u completely practical nor completely emotional....
that stage where u stay in control of urself
n being able to say.....
that ur world does consist of other priorities.....

to try till the extent ur heart n mind agree.....
to know when to leave n when to move on!!

The art of remaining your own self.....

Ive heard that it takes about a lifetime to discover your own self....
The identification and acceptance of your pros n cons!

It takes even longer, to sink it into u!

well......they say, we all hav to go thru it at some point in our lives...
no matter how much we ignore..... or evn run frm it!

n so it happened in the case of the writer......
a long era of self discovery ended......n an elated journey began!!

at first the starling details created ripples of pleasure...
for these were truths i nvr knew existed!!

i sumhow managed to get acceptance not just frm my end but others too......
who were pleased to knw me a bit more closely.....

i started getting comfortable in my own skin....
accepting my different shades....
learning to enjoy my own priorities.....my own idea of peace!

i started to evaluate my old n new sides......
voicing my opinion as a right n not a grace!!

but mayb the most difficult to do......is accept that things change......
n most of all......that 'people' change.....

the same people who embraced the new me.....
looked up wid pondering eyes....
wondering.......about wht went wrong wid me!

not that its unexpected......
its just not wht u wanna knw!

n so i started to figure out.....
whether my acceptance matters or others......

the love i share n pour.....is deeply scrutinized....
n my words......slaughtered!!
my reactions are questioned...
but the action leading to the reaction.... blissfully ignored!!

n so now, i ponder......
was it a mistake to accept the self??

is it being stubborn to justify ur deed n not just accept defeat?

Am I deserving of being called a Rebel?


Is being my own self, something too much to ask for??

the circle of mixed emotions.......

there are numerous emotions inside....
which situations demand n manage to get one out of us, quite promptly......

they say.......emotions are heart felt,
just as logic is for the mind to cherish...

the heart is one with purity....
the one with the pious thoughts...

i often find myself amidst the turmoil of conflicts,
between the heart n the mind....

never did i realize tht life is capable of cornering u
where neither sympathy, nor on the face reality helps....

my weak heart has learnt to get stronger
as i set off on my ship of hope.....

each day i feel a new angle to an emotional drain...
sumthing that manages to drain all my positivity out!
n still i continue on my journey....
keeping my eyes on my companions n my goal!
surprisingly my companions decrease in numbers....
n my goals seem far fetched.....

i seem to hav reached a no mans land....
with unmasked faces in sight as far as i can see....

sum scenarios aren't as pleasant as imagined....
n sum seem so very dark..........

they say life is a circle....
but i never remember spreading all this tht im receiving.

i knw things cld hav been worse.....
n i trust i dont wanna learn tht chapter!

a constant turmoil i face between my emotions n my hope....
where in i cant lean on either side.........

the love i shared....has been compromised....
n the unpleasant aura arnd me....
makes my life a circle of mixed emotions!!!!