As life fast forwarded from being 23 to being almost 39 in the blink of an eye, i find myself reviving my blog after almost a decade!
Its been a roller coaster ride, going through various emotions, all the ranges of happiness, anger, emptiness, hopefullness, despair, motherhood...u name it!
All i eventually learnt was that no matter what you do, all you can do is change yourself to the best of your understanding... And if you cant understand... read and find out!
The idea of Companionship is a myth if we dont constantly work on it... And for some reason, our real emotions are not to be shared! Our fears, our hurt, our pain cant be shared...because no matter how healthy the packaging of expression may be, it always turns out to be just blame.. not Sharing!
After a decade and half of unsuccessful tries of expression, repression and forgiveness I have finally learnt(Yes...Im a slow learner) that I should rather work on myself to create a happy environment, than expect that happy environment from someone else.
No, I dont mean to dessert anyone...as my responsiblities outweigh my small selfish peace..and maybe Im not even looking for that.
If I need peace, i need to focus to forgetting the past thats bringing me so much pain, which Im constantly comparing my present condition to, to assess if things have changed!
My self talk has to be for this peace I seek, as much as for anything else I aim for in life! Ive been ignoring it the past year, thinking I dont want to give it that much importance, as the pain was too high to focus any positive energy on it!
But, if I want a good environment, it has to be wholesome. I need to focus on all the pieces of the puzzle.
So here I am, writing and convincing myself that this is achievable, if I Believe this is what will help me be a peaceful mom and person.
Love plays a huge role in our lives... and if we are to be able to give more to the world, we have to be at peace. We need to resolve, bury, accept and move on.
Accept that these incidents were lessons, that taught us resilience, strength and fueled our core values.
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